Saturday, August 13, 2016

How to Break Out of Jail

So you're in the slammer and you're trying to get out.  Before you tie several bed bed sheets together and jump out a window, let's explore your other options.  As a bail bonding agent, I know there are several ways to get out of jail.  It's tempting to make a run for it but doing so means you will spend much more time behind bars in the future.  Is it really worth it?  As a licensed and professional bail bondsman, I only advise clients to break out of jail if they've been convicted by a jury and they have to spend more than 30 years behind bars.  I realize this advice is unethical and downright immoral, but my outrageous views make me one of the most successful bail bonding agent in all of Alabama.

Jail break Inside Help

If you're going to break out of jail, you're going to need some inside help.  We're talking a cook, the jail nurse or even a deputy.  Even though they're in positions of power and authority, with the right incentive these jail employees will almost always help an inmate get away.  With that said, you're also going to need a reliable and trustworthy bail bondsman to help get you the cash for bribes.  Depending on how much inside help you're going to need, you should arrange to secure between $3,000- $25,000 in cash.  Your bail bonding agent will help facilitate the cash drops and bank deposits to an off shore account.  Once the cash is secure, you need to ask several jail staff employees for their help.  If you can, draft up a contract, to insure they will follow through on you plan.  Believe it or not, these contracts between a jail inmate and staff are legally binding.  Who would've thought? Once you have several jail employees sign the "break out" contract, fax it to your bail bonding agent in Alabama for safe keeping.  Now, you can choose a break out date and begin the extensive planning required to make a clean get away!

Sheets, Rope and a Spoon

No matter how you decide to break out of prison, you'll need a few key tools to make the escape plan a reality.  As a reliable and professional bail bonding agent, I've seen my share of jail break outs over the years.  All the successful getaways have three things in common: a sheet, a rope and a spoon.  Yep, that's all you need to be free.  It will take you a couple years however to acquire all of these items without suspicion.  You may ask you bail bonding agent for help smuggling in a stainless steel spoon.
I've helped many clients get their hands on a spoon over the years.  As a professional bail bonding agent,  I always carry a briefcase and plenty of room for spoon.  A bail agent however can not help you smuggle in a sheet or a rope, you'll need to bribe a jail guard to get your hands on these items.  Volunteer to work in the laundry room or the maintenance shop.  This way you'll have easier access to the items you need to make a clean getaway.  Now that you have all your getaway supplies, you'll need to start digging.  Your bail bonding services company should be able to provide you with the blueprints for the entire prison facility.  This will make it easier for you to dig an escape tunnel with your spoon.

When digging a tunnel, make sure you follow the sewer line.  This will insure you will be digging toward the east end of the building.  Once you reach daylight, you'll be able to make an easier escape route to the east.   The sheet will come in handy once you're beyond the prison walls and camping in the deep wilderness.  If you can, bring a rope with you.  A rope will help you scale cliffs an overcome other obstacle you may encounter.  Once you're on the outside, find a pay phone and call your bail agent.  Your bail bondsman should be able to help you from being re-captured and sent back to prison.
If you're fed up with your prison sentence and your brave enough, you too can escape jail.  It's going to be tough and require a lot of discipline, but you can do it.  When in doubt, call your bail bondsman for help.  Good Luck!

I hope you know this story was all in good fun.  You really shouldn't break out of jail.  If you need to get bailed out of jail in Alabama call Rush Bail Bonds